I am thrilled to have the opportunity to share in this volume of the magazine the full remarks I delivered at Lehigh University’s baccalaureate graduation service this spring.
I hope it comes across how deeply felt and authentic the speech was, since the speech itself was about how important it is to live as our authentic and vulnerable selves — for our personal self-actualization, for our connection to each other, and for the future of our country. As I said in my speech, I am proud to lead Americans United because the separation of religion and government allows people of all religious beliefs, the nonreligious, and all of us who do not pass one religion’s litmus test to be ourselves, no matter our religion, race, sex, sexual orientation or gender identity.
Living authentically is surprisingly hard. It’s not always easy to be in touch with and understand ourselves. Who we are is constantly changing over our lives. We have an endless number of “shoulds” in our head, based on our childhoods and the communities and country we inhabit, that can cloud our ability to own, embrace and express who we are. And there are economic obstacles that can get in our way, such as our need to hold a job where our identities aren’t as welcome.
We also just don’t always fit neatly into conventional boxes. We have many parts of ourselves, and sometimes those pieces even seemingly compete. For example, I know people who consider themselves both atheist and Jewish. What should they say when asked about their “religion?” Society’s own conceptions of racial categories also continue to change, and even the U.S. Census Bureau has over the years maintained shifting criteria for who is considered to be “white.” The 2024 U.S. Census is adding a new checkbox for people who identify as Middle Eastern or North African, which could include people from countries like Lebanon, Iran, Egypt, and Syria. Previously, people from these countries were often encouraged to identify as white.
Another way people don’t always fit into traditional boxes is in the way they identify according to gender. A tall person with facial hair who was born male may identify as female. Other people don’t feel that either “male” or “female” describes accurately who they are and prefer to go by pronouns like “they.” A recent global study showed that people born after 1997 are nearly four times as likely as those over 40 (4% compared to 1%) to identify as transgender, nonbinary, gender-nonconforming, gender-fluid or “in another way.”
At Americans United, we are particularly aware of how hard it is in our society to defy traditional gender identities, because religious extremists have focused many of their recent attacks on this community. For this reason, we pay special attention to creating an inclusive environment for all.
For example, at AU events like the Summit for Religious Freedom, we give people the option to list (or not list) their pronouns on their name tags. This helps people with non-traditional gender identities express themselves and be seen as how they identify. It also helps prevent people from making wrong assumptions based on traditional gender markers and signals that everyone is welcome to be themselves.
Every person has different and individual reasons for how they ask to be (or not be) addressed. That’s fine, too. We expect attendees to respect the choices of others and honor how they would like to be identified — in other words, to treat each other kindly. Christian Nationalists are afraid of words like “diversity,” “equity” and “inclusion.” Their recently announced playbook, Project 2025, calls for deleting these terms “out of every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” We embrace them at Americans United. They are the hallmarks of a fair, decent and just society.
The more we model this world in the communities we create, the more the “norm” will shift to embody it. And the freer we will all be to live vulnerably, as our authentic selves. This is the America AU is fighting for every day. Because — as I explained in my final words at Lehigh’s baccalaureate — the quality of our lives and the future of our country will be better for it.